Who's afraid of the big bad body?

I would post a picture of myself being bent into the shape of the Greek letter, gamma but I am too lazy for that, and my back is still stiff.

Is this not sad? 26 and throwing your back out? There is something about this state of inactivity—this surrendering to the desires of the spasming muscle that has made me really productive and go-gettery today. Maybe it’s because I couldn’t GO ANYWHERE. I stayed away from the toxic environment that is school. There was no one to socialize with (except via the InterWebs) and a whole lot of daily goals to cross of me list! And so that is what me did!

Was Oprah the only person I felt I truly connected with today? Yes. I watched her show on women who don’t know their men and momentarily considered that I might not know my own husband. But then I chalked it up to ‘so what’ and started the day off smoothly with a Psychopathology lecture. Then I wrote more of my Pathology study guide. Then I listened and took notes on a Pulmonary Path lecture. Then another Psychopathology lecture. And maybe I’ll do another—but I feel like that’d be pushing it. I’m tired. There are NSAIDs rushing through my system along with the risotto we decided to make for dinner and all the Kettle corn I ate after that.

Although I hate getting sick or being in any kind of physical pain maybe sometimes pain is the body’s way of keeping us in check. Maybe the body’s really saying, “check ME out for a change!” Cause really, the body is in charge. And as my friend, Nic, once mentioned to me, the body will turn against you with the quickness if given the opportunity.

Today I surrendered to the pain of my aching back, bent over like a cane-less crone, and I worked my ass off. But can you imagine all the things rushing through my mind as I contemplated spinal cord lesions? Could this be due to an upper motor neuron lesion? Lower? MS? Lou Gherig’s? Med school is a hypochondriac’s worst nightmare—and we all think we have something!

In a way, today gave me a chance to press the reset button. It was me, my checklist, and the sunlight streaming through the blinds.

I hope tomorrow is just like today—just without the pain. I get it, body. You’re in charge.

I Ain't a Playa I Just Think a Lot!

I totally wasn’t planning on writing a blog entry just this minute. Before me lies my Neuro Clinical Pathophysiology notes, my beloved Sigg bottle, and the subscription slip for Runner’s World which I have used to note down my daily tasks. Most days are like this. Work out, come to school and do work independently (FAR, FAR AWAY FROM A CLASSROOM!), check my Twitter, check gmail, attend meetings (if any), go home, eat, listen to class recordings, take notes, sleep, REPEAT!

This is why medical school just feels boring sometimes. And don’t start with that, “Try going to class mess”! Nuh-uh! Better grades without attending classes proves that not all of us learn by being talked at. That’s just the problem. We are mass-educated because people think this is the most effective manner to distribute knowledge. But, the fact that only about 20 of 186 or so students regularly attend class should tell someone out there that the other 166 of us are finding alternatives to archaic learning modules.

In this space, I have felt completely…marginalized. My writing talents have been swept under the rug except when I choose to write independently or write a scholarship essay. Most days, I fight “dronedom” with fashion. I dress a little out of pocket or I toss on a dress to boost morale. If this is my “job”, I should dress the part, right? Here's a sample from today:

When I’m not hating on med school or studying, I’m usually filling my time with family or friends. Sometimes I’m wandering or riding the train (one of my FAVORITE things to do in Chicago). But this past Saturday, I got my volunteer on! 30+ med students put on a Student National Medical Assocation (SNMA) Health Fair in Chicago’s Englewood community. For those who don’t know, Englewood is one of the neighborhoods in Chicago hit hardest by HIV/AIDS and is also one of the poorest in the city. Ah yes, lest we not forget that health follows wealth (to a point). At any rate, I felt like my comrades and I got together for the greater good of a community that needs physicians. We provided basic screening services such as: BMI, cholesterol, blood glucose, musculoskeletal, sexual health, neurology, etc. We also had two physicians on hand to give consultation to attendees.

The event was a success for sure—well attended despite rain, and well-staffed by med school folk. But, it left me with a few questions: 1) Where is the sustainability in such an effort? 2) When most patients are uninsured are they waiting for the next health fair to address their health needs? 3) What can medical students do to fill health gaps in depressed communities? I love that we do good and feel good helping communities, but I can’t help feeling that health fairs are a sort of sloppy band aid. I’m not saying we shouldn’t volunteer, but maybe we need to start partnering with clinics like Mile Square (a Federally Qualified Health Center) that agrees to take on a certain percentage of uninsured patients. Too bad FQHCs are too few and far between—not to mention far too saturated.

What’s an anthropologist-turned doctor to do? I see all of these inequalities and glitches in a system, not to mention a basic dirth of empathy between physicians and patients. But, I’m just ONE person. We need to be indoctrinated and educated in ways that don’t contribute to our growing apathy. I’ve read too many articles that demonstrate med student loss of empathy over the course of four years of medical school. Bridging gaps is really hard. Bridging gaps with a workforce that is disparaged and burnt out is even harder.